U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
