apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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