I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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