I swear she didn't look like that last week.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
