You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
