Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
