Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
