Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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