So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
