Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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