her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I just put wine in my tea
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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