You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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