best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How's work?
Spinning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
