Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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