You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
