Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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