you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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