I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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