I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
