turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
