oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
