Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
