nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
