my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
