Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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