Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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