I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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