my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
