so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
