I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
