We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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