So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
