my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
