eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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