So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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