nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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