Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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