Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
