At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
