Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
