I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
