i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
