My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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