And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
whose ass print is on the piano?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
