I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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