Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
