dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
