First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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