You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
