it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
