Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
