he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
