I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
