turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize