Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
